Wednesday, January 05, 2011

The word for this year is...

Jan over at Yearning for God is trying to discern a word for the New Year. Rather than formulating some useless resolution that will only be broken just in time for guilt-inducing Lent (now I really do have to give up whatever it is), why not instead have a word to remember for the year? A word to challenge, to guide, to comfort, to focus and bring me round again.

Last night as I was falling asleep, I prayed for a word; that it might come to me in a dream or be wandering in the fog as I wake up. My subconscious seemed to be lying in wait, because right on the heels of my request came the word: Forgive.

Forgive myself every time I make a mistake or fall off the pedestal of other people's expectations that I've put myself on.

Forgive all the drivers who cut me off, won't let me in, tailgate me, all of us in our own little auto-worlds.

Forgive folks for who they are not and love them for who they are.

Forgive the Church for the same reason as the one above. Love the Church for what it is.

Forgive my former stepmother and how our relationship ended but never had closure.

Forgive my father for smoking until the day he died of a heart attack.

Some of this forgiving work I thought I had already done and finished with it. But forgiveness is like an onion - there are many layers and as each one gets peeled away, sometimes it can make you cry.

And of course, the biggie....forgive God. For all the things I've ascribed to her and all the ways I've blamed him. Like most who receive my blame, God hasn't deserved it. Forgive me.


Jan said...

Cynthia, this is powerful. Whenever I think of "forgive," I remember the prayer that I always need to be reminded of: "Bless _________, change me."

Thanks for helping me out with my word--friends; most of all I need to be more of a friend to myself.

Cynthia said...

Thank you, Jan, for that prayer. I think I'm gonna need it.